Reaching Out


painting by very talented guy called ‘W’ … commissioned and inspired by thoughts of Hmphz

i think i might be a bit like a bus … really, i go a month or more without blogging, then in the space of 24 hours come up with 3 posts … always the way isn’t it … anyhow … on we go …

i would think that it is fair to say, of myself, that i can be, or am a slightly creative kind of person. However that creativity comes in different ways to what can be seen as the usual kind of way, like being able to draw/paint etc. I have no ability to fine line draw, or in fact draw anything. I cannot also paint, with a few exceptions of things I have done which are big and very bold.

However, a couple of years ago, i had thought about trying to find something, to have in my house, that means something to me. something that is personal to me. something that means something to me. something that i have either thought up, created, made, or commissioned. something that is unique. something, that even if there are things out there ‘similar’  this something would be original. that couldnt be found anywhere else. a one and only.

i put the thought to the back of my head, due to lack of finance, and no idea of how to really go about getting the sort of thing i was thinking of/about. and actually, i wasnt even too entirely sure exactly what that something that i wanted was anyway!

so, in a compartment the thought/idea went, and there it stayed for quite a few months. until, a friend of mine came round with a friend of hers for wine. this friend of hers was an artist. and we had a lovely evening talking about ‘creativeness’ and how our lives fit in with that, art, life, depression, and faith.  after that night, during another night of wine drinking and chat with friend, i jokingly suggested that maybe ‘W’ would be interested in painting a commissioned piece of work, for me.

i thought the idea would be dismissed, and especially when she texted him, i assumed he may well laugh it off … maybe because he didnt know me, maybe because he thought i was a nutter, or maybe because that just was not the sort of thing he did. ‘take orders’ as such … you know? so when he said he might be interested i was quite surprised. And that was the start of the creation of what i call ‘Reaching Out’. Something I see as beautiful. Something that took pride and place in my lounge at the front, and does again in the house now I have moved.

‘W’ came round for a cup of tea, to have a chat, and once he decided it was something he felt he could do, we set a ‘date’. He came round for dinner, some wine, and bought his sketch pads and some pencils. After the food, we laid on the floor with huge white pieces of blank pencils and began to brainstorm ideas. I told him what I was thinking. Slightly nervously. Not sure how he would react to what I was trying to convey. Not sure how he would respond to the image that was in my head, what it meant to me, what it was saying, and how i wanted it/needed it to look on paper.

this time had come slap bang in the middle of my wilderness. in the middle of my ‘black cloud’ that seemed unending. it was in the middle of a time when i didnt know where to look, where to go, what to hold on to, where to be, how to do life, and whether or not i wanted to, in fact. And, as for my faith, well, to be honest, i just didnt know where that was either.

there was a part of me, that was constantly crying out to God, screaming at Him, begging at Him, for help, for forgiveness, for mercy, for the pain to go away, for the light to come in. And there was this part of me, that kept looking upwards, but not sure what for.

what I wanted this painting to convey was a deep blend and varied mix of emotion. i wanted the painting to mean many things. i wanted it to depict someone holding their hands up and out to God in awe, wander and worship but i wanted it also to depict someone reaching out, crying out and desperate to touch whatever it was that they were looking up to.

after many many hours, we had an outline. me talking, describing, coming up with ideas, ‘W’ inputting, listening, sketching, and a few days later came the ‘picture’ sketch. I looked at it hard, partly because this was going to cost quite a lot (yes, i knew the guy, but this is how he makes his living, and i had recently received some money for house gifts for my new flat from my godfather -it felt fitting he should contribute towards this)

after a few weeks of waiting, so was born the painting, which actually to date had no name. however as i was thinking of how to write this blog, and what to put, i decided ‘reaching out’ seemed fitting, so as of 28/12/09 it is named ‘Reaching Out’.

the picture means alot to me, partly because it says so much, and often what it is saying and conveying changes.

It also means alot to me, because other people relate to it. I showed my stepdad it, when it had arrived after weeks of waiting, and he sat there and told me about 4 different things it meant to him/said to him, a couple of those totally different to the things it says/means to me.

(although the picture does not completely show the effect of it, it is completely black and white, the background being very very black, with the figure and corner ‘mist’ being white … it is quite dramatic in real life, i don’t think the photo totally shows that)

so, it works. its a piece of art, something created, that says lots of different things to lots of different people.

i hope it says something to you.

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4 thoughts on “Reaching Out

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