fixed grin syndrome

Something that really frustrates me is what I am going to call ‘the Christian fixed grin syndrome’

Today I entered into a conversation with some new people I wondered across on Twitter. It seems that as soon as my humble opinion appeared to differ from theirs they were no longer interested in talking with me. I disputed the fact that they seemed to be saying that God makes us go through all manner of bad things in order to come out good at the end of it. To me, that very view portrays a very sadistic vision of ‘God’ and it has taken me years and years to move AWAY from that concept!

I find this a shame.

(I fully accept that God can if He chooses make good out of bad, but that He does not orchestrate the bad in order for that to happen : as to why He allows it to happen, still not overly sure that the reply ‘so good can come out’ is the best answer – not that I have any better one, but is it better to just be honest and say ‘i dont know’ when we dont know?)

It got me thinking about life. Real life. Reality, the highs and the lows. Especially after someone asked me to see if I could start writing ‘happier’ blogs.

Things is, for me, when I write, I very rarely set out with a definite plan. I write what I am thinking at that moment. What is on my mind, or in my heart to put on paper/type, be it blog posts, poems, or just posting a photo.

I am always very honoured that people follow this blog, read what i have to say about things, and also respond and stay in touch. I really don’t take it for granted, but I would like people to realise that this blog is ‘me’. My writing space. And the place I can put into writing some of my feelings. Without getting too mushy, what you see is what you get. I cant write ‘happy’ because someone has asked me too. my head just does not work that way.

Just like my head does not understand the fixed grin syndrome. I do not understand why people seem so oblivious to life and what surrounds them. I kinda get the concept that people like to Praise God/Worship in all circumstance. That is not really what I am disputing.

I am disputing the problem some people seem to have with other people simply not being able to smile, and this then in turn leading to judgment on their ‘Christian – ness’ or lack of it.

In my very own humble opinion, I am no less of a person or believer because I simply cannot raise a smile or laugh about serious situations than the person who can. In fact, the person who can laugh and smile in situations that can be so dire it is heartbreaking is off their head. Ignoring the reality of life.

Thing is, life isnt pretty is it.

An American friend recently got in touch with me regarding my previous post, the poem called ‘a poem’. I was very touched that he did (so thanks) but also it got me thinking. Thinking about how who i am , and where i have been, and what i have done is reflected in my writing. thats why some of it is not very happy writing/reading. because they were not very happy times, and sometimes still are not.

So why should I smile about them?

Just because i dont smile, does not mean I do not have a relationship with God.

But isnt it false to walk about with a grin glued to our face, when inside our hearts are breaking and being torn out?

Where does it get anyone? And is it really what God wants?

Or does God want us to just be before Him and other people and live our lives as we are? With a real honesty, whether that is sometimes brutal and hard to take for other people or not?

(And thank you to all you lovely peoples who take me as I am, there are lots of you, and its so appreciated, the above thoughts are just those, and not at all reflecting where I am at, because I personally am quite at home with being brutally honest now a days)

a poem

a poem

scum, slapper, slag, whore
words being shouted more and more,
stones are picked up and thrown in her face,
because all society thinks is what a disgrace.

so, slowly, heading home, she takes a walk,
longing for one person who will talk,
maybe say a nice word, or give a smile,
hoping one day to feel that her life is worthwhile.

the needle goes in, no feeling of pain,
as the liquid runs through a vein
silently moving, right up to the eye,
where to sleep she falls, without even a cry.

the nightmares, all the time they come and go,
sometimes thick and fast, but often long and slow,
the morning sun rises, and its back to the streets,
to earn some money from people she meets.

Stood on a corner, a life totally wrecked,
hoping and praying that she can regain some respect.
looking upwards, a tired mind, searching for peace,
longing that all the suffering and aching will cease.

cherished, precious, loved and valuable
the stranger collecting the tears by the bottle full
speaking meaningful words that soak into her soul,
so that someday, once again she can become whole.

© fragmentz